Jingle the sorrows away, Santa

for some reason, i just decided to pay my dead blog a visit. i remember this was once the place where my fingers just danced freely across the keyboard, pouring out my thought and emotions all at the same time. i solemnly miss the feeling of it. looking through my older post, motion memories start to flash back little by little, whilst giggling to myself how crazy and funny i can be at times when i am pissed.

so yeah, I'm back to doing one of the best thing i do- Chill and Bitch! HEHE


hmmmmm, regarding my post title "Jingle the sorrows away, Santa" . it was a random thing. well to be honest, I'm feeling kinda down right now. you see, i love my mom. i really do. Christmas is just mere days away. so, i asked my mom "Mi (short form for mummy), what do u want for Christmas?" she replied " I just want happiness." I was like "HARR? how to buy happiness?" then she started mumbling something which I can't remember already. i shall elaborate on my mom in a new chapter.

also, today afternoon i saw on the couch this newspaper cut out from the classified section, attached with it was a hand written letter. i knew instantly my dad was up to something AGAIN. that little "something" was my dad looking for a job. despite knowing what it was, i picked it up and asked him what that was while reading it. it says something something maintainence officer. requires experience in plumbing, safety, and hands on work. NO WAY. he is too old for this. he asked me to help him type out the letter. my straight answer was NO. it was not because i was lazy, but the simply truth is that i don't want to see him suffer. i can't express my true thoughts so i decided to say stupid things to break his spirit such as "yerrr hands on? you can't do it la dee (short form for daddy)" SIGH.

i was doing some thinking after that.


Am I over spending? -Yes
Am I spending on things that i really need?-No
Have I been contended with what i already have?-No
Have I thanked them for what they provide me?-No
Have I been spending or buying things to "show" that my family is quite well off?-Yes
Have I been spending or buying things to "pretend" that my family is quite well off? -Yes
Have I been acting all "Siu Yeh Zhai"-ish or "Diva"-ish ? -BIG YES



Ryan wears ADIDAS shoes. what does daddy wear? -old shoes

Ryan eats good food. what does daddy eat? sucky worker food

Ryan goes to Bianco Saloon to get his hair done. where does daddy go? -mamak barber

Ryan wears nice comfortable clothes. what does daddy wear? ryan's old unwanted clothes

Ryan wants a top range laptop, daddy pays for it

Ryan wants anything, daddy provides.


question arises, where does the money come from? where did this devil within me start to take control of my life? i need to make a difference.

if this goes on, i'll earn myself a place in hell.


i blame myself because of my "Sei You Min" attitude, i made my parent's life hard.


im sorry.