Dear Ryan..

My life is always filled with up and downs. so i have to constantly remind myself where do I stand now and where do i want to stand in the future. i think everyone at some point in their lives had talked to themselves, question existing everywhere.. like.. how will my future be like.. how FAT will my wallet be.. who am i going to meet in the future.. when will i be six feet under......




moments ago i just feel like my soul talking i really have to jot this down somewhere so i do not forget.. i feel like something or someone just slapped me on the face.. time to wake up..


-I realize that i have been really rude to my parents, especially my mom. I talk to her according to my mood and i think she is a victim of my reckless inconsiderate mood swings.


-I am not passionate and fond of my current course anymore. i feel like it is a burden to carry.

-I am still spending on unnecessary things. I guess i am still not over my disease of seeking comfort through buying nice things for show.

-I love myself so so much and yet at the same time, i despise myself with full of hatred. this is really something you do not want to have in your life

-I feel like people are looking at me and making remarks every minute of my life. I don't know what is with me that makes people always realize any changes upon myself. it is like i have to be very conscious of my every move so i won't go wrong.

-I am afraid to speak up, for i am afraid i might be wrong and laughed at my lack of knowledge and skills

-I find it hard to interact with people i had just met. especially if they are better looking that i am . or smarter perhaps. this is such a sickening and downright silly syndrome that i have and i seriously need to break out of it



It is time for a change..